In Laws

Sooner than later I look forward to becoming an in law and recognize that I only hope for the same grace and regard that was bestowed upon me by my in laws.

I think the use of the word In-Laws should be banned. Your preconceived state of mind prepares your subconscious towards battle.  Your armor is on, your guard is up and my better half or, what was at that time, to become my better half is telling me not to worry, everything will be fine. I ring the doorbell.

They greet us at the door; they don’t seem like monsters.  For the next few hours, I quietly listen to their interest, their son’s faults, their favorite travel destinations and the ground rules for a successful union; they should know, they are quickly approaching 50 years of marriage. It goes so well, that I find myself making arrangement for Thanksgiving; me the one who only looks for the depressing characteristic in human beings.

We do have several common interests, which helps when the conversations flow into silence.  I learn a new respect for their dedication to their Fraternal Organization.  I, of course, am not privileged to know the secret handshake or greeting.  I am however given family recipes.  They taught me the true meaning of recycling.  When we met at the neighborhood restaurants, I watched with pleasure, the exchange between everyone from the front desk greeter to the chief, who came out and greeted them each and every time, even if they were only ordering a beverage.
For the next few months’ brief get-togethers occurred on a regular basis.  I listen with modesty to their stories of the war and only try to understand the sacrifices that they have made.  Together they have raised two sons, both diverse in their wants and needs, yet both projecting the many dreams of their parents.

One of my favorite stories was of my mother in law deciding to retire at the age of forty. I looked somewhat confused, as I didn’t think that she had worked outside of her home. She truly reflected the vision of the Domestic Goddess, long before that reference was created. She had decided that at forty it was acceptable to retire from house cleaning.  No discussion, no debate from her family.  It had been decided.  So from that day forth she dedicated her time to herself and family.   She sincerely believed that if you did housework properly it would kill you; and at forty she, after repeated attempts, readily admitted she found no success in housework and no future in it as a career.  She knew it was time to throw in the towel.

Watching, her husband's eyes twinkle with joy each time he listened to his wife tell that story.  For all his stories of war the true heroes in his eyes were his wife and family; for in his absence she raised their two sons for many years, without fear or uncertainty.  I listen to her pain, telling her story of the race for her son’s life, after contracting Polio.  Only after having my own child did I understand the pain she projected telling that story. She never truly believed that she had done enough towards keeping her son safe from suffering. 

They were the first to open the discussion on in laws.  There own in laws remained a contentious issue for both. It was with great humor that I listened as they bantered back and forth justifying why each other’s in laws were the problem.  To my benefit they did not want that title.  Life has graced them with true powers of understanding. 

They had successfully dedicated their lives to raising their sons; only asking in return understanding, love and their memory celebrated in the eyes of their grandchildren.  

For all that was said, the one thing that was not said enough was Thank you.